Guilt: Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
I get it. Your life changed drastically in a short period of time.
If you had a brain injury, you may be struggling with feelings of self-doubt, frustration, wanting to be better for everybody around you. You don’t understand why your brain won’t just go back to normal. Every day, you struggle to do simple tasks that were once easy for you. Work is taking at least twice as long. When having conversations, you can’t think of that one word you want to say and it’s so….so…..hard to think of the right word!! So you just drop it and move on. You feel others getting frustrated and annoyed, and you wish that you could fix everything so that they don’t have to worry. You feel guilty for being so “messed up” and wish that you could just get better so that nobody would have to worry about you.
If your loved one is the one with the TBI, you are struggling possibly even more than the survivor. (And this is coming from a survivor herself.) I’ve seen how a family can be shaken up by a brain injury. I don’t know what it’s like, and can only try to put myself in your place from many, many conversations with my mom over the last 7 years recovering from my TBI.
You may be frustrated with yourself, replaying the day of the accident over in your head, wondering if there was anything you could do differently to prevent it from happening. You wish that you could do anything at all to help your loved one to get better, and your heart breaks watching the frustration and attempts to do things that once came second nature. You want to just sit down and talk to that person normally, but the person is in a state of healing and doesn’t understand you as well as they used to, and you desperately miss the “old person”…and then you feel guilty for thinking that because you still love them just how they are. It’s just all different and confusing and hard.
No matter what your journey, you will be tempted to be hard on yourself. But beating yourself up will not help you heal from this.
I know it’s hard, and your feelings won’t go away by the click of a button. But begin to allow yourself time to breathe, pray, rest, and live, and you may start to see improvements in your healing process. <3
Much love from a TBI survivor, Cristabelle